There's a new movement sweeping social media particularly geared towards black women and we are here for it! The #SoftLife movement is all about creating a life of ease as an anti-depiction toward the life of being a "strong black woman" stigma. Throughout time black women have publicly been looked at as either deserving of or built to endure various hardships in life. From being single mothers to the strong black corporate figure who sacrifices love in order to obtain any amount of success. These depictions have been over iterated through television, the media and now social media. Women from all backgrounds (but particularly black women) are now starting to realize that being the 'strong' black woman really meant that you were being glorified for all that you have endured in a way as if almost to say "it's ok, she can handle it". Completely desensitizing everyone to what you were going through and thus causing them to offer no real help and you accepting this as life. Going through any level of traumatic life stress and need to vent to someone? We're almost always hit with the "you'll be okay, you're so strong". We take it as a compliment as we tuck and hold all of our pain and all of our stress in. Well, we are now putting our foot down. We don't want to be strong anymore dammit! We don't want to be the strong black woman, the strong friend, the strong daughter that no one checks on, the strong single parent, the strong co-worker....we're done! We will no longer allow ourselves or those around us to paint a picture that we are not worthy of depending on others for help or receiving any real relief.  Not worthy of a life that should and can be easier than the things we have been forced to endure. Teaching ourselves that it is okay to not be the 'strong' one and need a break, need to relax, need rest, need to unplug, need support, need to lean on someone, need to retreat, need defending and the list goes on. Everyone has needs and we will no longer allow our needs to be brushed off under the guise of the you're so strong compliment.

We are now embracing the #SoftLife! The soft life is all about creating, experiencing and most importantly expecting a life of ease. Anti struggle love, embracing luxury, embracing comfort, rest, relaxation are all major initiatives of the soft life. In other words, the path of least resistance. I am all about it and here for it! With stress, heartbreak, the hustle mentality and societal pressures all leading to high anxiety and depression, anything other than creating more ease and peace for yourself will work against you in the long run. We are done being sold on the hype of being strong. For most human beings, but especially for women, everything about who we are, how we experience this life and what we are capable of starts with our emotional and mental state. When those things are intact you feel empowered, you feel motivated, alive and able to function at your fullest potential. So, why not create a culture and lifestyle around yourself that is conducive to keeping you in that state? Genius! So, what does that look like? That looks like creating and setting boundaries with people, protecting your energy and listening to your intuition. If it doesn't feel good to you, don't keep making excuses as to why you keep going to that place or being around that particular person...cut it off! Can't cut it off permanently or not sure if that's the right move, cut it off temporarily and see if doing so creates any positive shifts or not (Its worth a try). It looks like building more things into your day and into your life that serve just you. That serves your mental, emotional and physical well being. Incorporating things that give you new experiences, actively doing things that bring you peace and joy and last but not least only accepting love that is genuine, healthy, encouraging, inspiring, supportive and safe! We are no longer anticipating or accepting struggle love. You know the love where we have to go through massive heartbreak, betrayal, disappointment and disrespect in order to get to some fragment of healthy love. Yeah, we're done with that too! 


I challenge you to do some digging into this new #softlife phenomenon and incorporate it into your days. Know that you deserve it, you need it and that's ok. We have been programmed to believe that some of these things are the negative depictions of selfishness, but we all know you can't pour from an empty cup. Embrace some of the soft life this week and see if you don't feel better. Buy something for the house that smells good and feels like relaxation to you. Go by a piece of fabric that you would consider luxurious. It could be something as simple as a towel or pillow case. Eat something that's healthy for you. Take yourself to dinner, sit by water, schedule a full hour for yourself and no one else. Buy yourself some Wine Down Beauty skincare (wink wink). Yes society has pushed these narratives, but we are sitting in our power and taking that narrative back!  Incorporate a little bit everyday and welcome yourself to the soft life!


-Fee Toliver (CEO/Founder of Wine Down Beauty)

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1 comment

This is so necessary in womanism! We must create apart of ourselves that we can admire with no one’s permission. I just had a newborn and protecting the woman that I am, I need time away (even just an hour) to take care of myself. I hope everyone can find time to do something so important and create the #SoftLife they deserve!

Brandie Bennett

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